I'm wishin you were here

I didnt make the team...softball team.

I feel like crap, haven't cryed this much in a reallyyyy long time.

ACTS sucked. I did horrible.

things at home suck

i dont know what to do really.


i feel so lost.

Why did he do that?
Why did i tell my secret?
Why can't i forget?
Why do i feel so terrible?
Why do i feel like crying?


I wish I knew why i was in this sucky mood. I wish i knew the answers to all of the questions i have right now, but i might never know the answer to them.

I had an amazing time this weekend but now i am home and all i can do is work and think.
I can't concentrate on anything and i can't even describe my mood.

My mom is being a jerk and a half she won't leave any of us alone. I mean she pretty much hates everyone in his house.

Thom and i are going to the fair tomorrow and then i am going to a Tigers game with Megan and Chelsea. Those are the only two things i have to look forward to.





this world will never be what i expected and if i don't belong who would have guessed it?

The past two days haven't been so great. I'm having eating issues and my friends realized that. They weren't happy at all. Idk it wasn't on purpose i just wish they could understand.

Today Thom and i were supposed to hangout but i couldn't. Well i found out from two different people in the past two days that he hooked up with another girl two days after we broke up. He has been telling me about how he misses me and all this stuff but he failed to mention he lost his virginity two days after we broke up.

I don't know what to do or how to feel. I am upset because i trusted him and i never liked a guy as much as i did him...he told me he loved me.


I am so confused and frustrated with how things are going right now. i never thought things would be like this, so much has changed.

I was having a terrible night on thursday...My dad wasn't talking to me, he ran out of his pain meds that he is addicted to know so he was in pain and having withdrawls.

It just wasn't fun, i started having like a freaking panic attack or something...i was breathing all weird and thought i was going to cry while i was pacing back and forth in my house.

That night turned around though...

I was sitting in living room and all of a sudden Megan and Chelsea busted through my back door dressed in black and kidnapped me...I'm not even kidding. I guess my mom and pretty much everyone knew that they had this planned. So after they kidnapped me they had me dress in black and we went up to East and painted the grafitti rock.
It was so much fun.

Yesterday was my dads birthday...I think he had a good one. We took him out to lunch and he had a big ice cream cake. Then people came over for a bonfire.
I spent the night at Megans and we went to her brothers baseball tournament.

It has been a good day..I haven't been home and i am chillen at megans again tonight

sweeeeeeeeeetttttttttt

soooooo Thom and I are talking again and it makes me really happy. I don't know where things will go from here but for now i am happy that we are on the same page.

I deleted my myspace today. My dad is mad at me because he was going through comments again and this time he read a comment that said i hated being at home....I was really bored that day.

Well he took it wrong ....again. So that was it for me, I can't keep getting in trouble over myspace comments. I have no privacy he goes through everything and it's just not worth it.

I am so frustrated idk what to do. He is so md he won't even talk to me. I feel like i am always screwing up and like he doesn't trust me. Once he finds out i deleted my myspace he is going to be pissed.

I am still not feeling to well ...everytime i eat i feel so sick... the only way to make myself feel better is too get sick.

I hate it...I really do

fjsdf;jsdjfkl;asjdfl;sjaf

All of this hate and all of this pain
I'll burn it all down,as my anger reigns.

Things lately.....

they have been interesting. I haven't been home hardly at all, and when i am all i do is clean or get yelled at until i leave again to hangout with Chelsea, Megan, or go to work.

Thom and i broke up :/
He won't really talk to me now, and i hate it....Idk which is worse him constantly wanting to talk/comment me or him not talking to me at all.
I miss him alot, but i don't miss the way he treated me the last week.

My dad has been SO moody ...I hate it we fight so much...I miss the days when i just sit on my dads lap and laugh with him when he came home from work,
Drawing on his tattoos with washable markers,and all the other fun things we used to do. Now he is always sleeping or he doesn't feel good from Dialysis. The Painkillers he takes...he is addicted to now and they make him so mean ..especially when he is having withdrawls.

Megan and Chelsea get so mad when i don't talk to them about what's bothering me. I hate it I mean i know it's not good to bottle everything inside...but it's just how i am sometimes.
I've gotten better at opening up to them. They are my best friends and i don't know what i would do without them...They keep me going and lately they are the only thing that can get me out of bed and my room.

My appetite SUCKS...I feel like i'm starving, make a sandwhich, maybe eat half b/c i feel full, then i feel like i am going to be sick....I don't get it.

Summer has never gone by this slow but i can't complain for the most part.

Wow, I'm not sure what the deal is...I have had plenty of opportunities to post on here but just haven't. Maybe it's because I have been keeping everything inside again.

Summer....i love it, but i hate being home and away from my friends. Work is crazy as usual..I seriously am starting to hate it there, and forgetting to go in one friday...definately didn't help things.

I've been hanging out with my two best friends and Thom when i can. Thom and I are official but idk for how much longer...we have been fighting for the past week.

Last sunday (fathers day) my dad was really sick, he couldn't even open his presents. I felt like it was my fault. Feeling like it was my fault was just another thing adding on to my list of things bottling up inside. That night he got worse and i felt really bad, i was thinking about alot of things, and I couldn't sleep....I took nine tylenol threes. I had allergic reaction to them and i had overdosed. When i woke up my eyes were almost swollen shut, I woke up my mom and she thought it was from allergies...I finally told her half an hour later that i had took a lot of painkillers. I started throwing up and then she took me to the E.R. my mom said that this was the first time anything like this has happened (even though it wasn't) So after 4 hours of tests, lectures, almost having to get my stomach pumped I was able to go home. I was really scared but i feel better now, and i'm going to counceling.

Staci has been calling me since she found out what happened. I don't really enjoy talking to her anymore, so the conversations are pretty short.

Well I have to go get ready to go to the mall...my best friend gets her license today so we will be cruising around =]

Hmmmm so I haven't been able to post anything in a while....I've been super busy with Softball and work. There isn't too much going on, next week we play our last two games and then we have our banquet.

I really like this guy, he is soooo nice and I've been talking to him for hours after I get home from softball lately. One problem....My parents....They were being really mean last night when I asked if i could go the movies with him on Saturday. My dad Was like "well you need to remember ...what goes around comes around." and he told me that because I told Bryan that we should take a break and now I like someone else....this guy is going to do that to me. I really don't think he would though.
I can talk to him and he makes me happy, he told me I was beautiful and a guy has never told me that before, but my parents don't care ..they think I'm married to Bryan.



Then I got yelled at because my myspace doesn't show my comments ....and my dad is mad because he can't read them.

I'm ready for school to get out....hopefully I won't be home very much during the summer. I should be busy with summer softball and work.

<3

Last week was crazy we had three games and it was just wow....I was so ready for it to be over.

My dad hasn't been feeling to hot, and everyone has been stressed. Staci came to say goodbye but she didn't talk to any of us then when it was time to leave she asked if she could have a hug and I asked if I could have my sister back.

yea..so then we kinda got into it. I found out on thursday that she had a going away party and didn't invite us to it...but she told the people that were there that we "refused to come" She is in Florida now and she still is causing chaos.

My mom is in bad mood
grrr

I'm doing ok just hanging out with the softball girls and trying to enjoy life.


"Lets compare scars and I'll tell you who's worse."

ohhhh and I think I like someone =]

Today was okay. We had our softball game against west and we won both of them! I didn't do the greatest at batting and stuff....I was super nervous. Jessiecame and talked to me while we were stretching and then Sarah came during the game and stayed to watch. It ment the world to me, I was so happy. Staci didn't come because she doesn't care and it felt so good to know that there are other people that would come to watch and support me.

Staci is coming tomorrow to say goodbye when I get out of work. This could be very interesting , I want to slap her and her stupid new goals across the face.

(Remember to keep your phone on tomorrow Sarah)

Well I'm super tired from Cheering my butt off at the game lol...So I'm off to bed =]